I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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