Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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