i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
