Have you finally orgasmed yet?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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