I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
