I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
