sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
