Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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