I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
