I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
