The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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