I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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