Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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