So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So apparently I’m into choking now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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