My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
