i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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