It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
