Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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