the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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