Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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