Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
