I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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