I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
