I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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