My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
