I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
