too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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