I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
