with your own penis?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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