oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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