If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
