i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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