I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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