Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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