Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
