can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
