does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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