Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
