Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize
