I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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