Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We are two peas in an std pod
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
