how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
