Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
