Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
