Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
