You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
