its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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