We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
