Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
