Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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